


So Deep

by jidubchaeng



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: 2YEON - Freeform, F/F, I'm so sorry, squint for samo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-01-23 06:51:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12501368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jidubchaeng/pseuds/jidubchaeng
Summary: Sometimes, if you're lucky, your first love lasts forever.





	1. Is This Fate?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nayeon just so happens to be one of those lucky bastards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while, but this story is now both on Asianfanfics and AO3!

“—by the way, you don't have an official schedule for today or tomorrow.”

I almost dropped my phone onto the hotel floor. 

“I know I told you a while ago but I thought I’d mention it again,” my manager, Dahyun, said in a casual tone.

 _No schedule? For two days? How is that possible?_ I thought.

Maybe it seems like I was overreacting but in my two years of promoting as a soloist, I really only ever got a couple days scattered here and there throughout the year. Just enough time for me to catch up on some z’s or be with my friends and family. Every time I got a free day, it always seemed so... _so wrong_. And to have two days in a row? Unheard of.

“Nayeon-ah, did you hear me? Are you okay? I said you don't have an official schedule today,” Dahyun repeated.

I blinked a couple of times. “Huh? Oh, yeah, I did. I mean, yes, I heard, and yes I’m fine. It's just… are you _sure?_ ”

“Yes,” she said, patient as ever. “But the day after tomorrow will be packed with stuff to do. You have _Weekly Idol_ to show up to, don't forget that. Then you're going to the set of the shooting for the new album’s jacket… We’ll be more than busy, so rest up. You probably won't get much time for yourself for a long while after this since promotions for the album are gonna start soon. I'm in the next room if you need me, okay?”

“But Dahyun, that's so _weird_ ,” I hissed, still trying to take it in.

“Nayeon, you're making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. I love you, but I swear, sometimes you're a bit extra. You always freak out about having free days.”

I smiled like as if she was right there in the room with me. “I love you too, Dubu. You’re right. I'm sorry for being like this. It really isn’t that big of a deal… I don't know how you haven't dropped me yet to manage an easier idol. I must be exhausting, huh?”

Dahyun laughed on the other side of the line. “There are no ‘easier’ idols. I stay with you because you're my best friend… and I'm the only one that knows when you're about to make a bad decision. If it weren't for me...” She sucked air through her teeth. “We don't know where you'd be right now. So you're welcome.”

She was totally joking, but inside I knew she was absolutely right. I’ve always been an impulsive person, doing the dumbest things because I gave my actions no second thought. Ever since Dahyun became my manager, the tabloids have found almost zero dirt on me. 

I knew Dahyun was busy doing manager stuff, but like the angel she was, she still spent another 10 minutes on the phone with me, suggesting things for me to do. She was probably very used to this kind of situation, where she had to stay with me longer than necessary because I was being a drama queen. Oftentimes, she’d even stay awake with me till the morning, just cheering me up when I was down and telling me over and over that everything would get better. 

I honestly didn't deserve her.

When Dahyun really had to go, as we were about to bid each other goodbye, she said one last thing–

“Nayeon-ah?” She sounded worried. That made me worry too.

“What's wrong, Dubu?” 

She sighed on the other side of the phone. “Please don't do anything dumb on your break.”

“Ouch. Glad you trust me.”

“I mean it,” Dahyun groaned. “I don't want to have to be with your all 48 hours of this short break, but if you do do something dumb, I’ll have to monitor you from then on. I’m going to handcuff us together, I swear to god.”

“Stop worrying, goshhh. I’m a changed woman. The Old Nayeon? I don’t know her.” Feeling like it was time for Dahyun to go, I pretended like the call was being interrupted.

“I can't-kkkkk-hear you, Dubu! Sounds like-kkkk- the call is breaking up!”

“I’m serious, Nayeon! You don’t want to get handcuffed to me! I’ll actually make you clean your room!”

“Kkkkk! Love you! See- kkkkk- ya! I'll call you if I need you!” I hung up and tossed my phone to the left of me and crashed down on my bed, hoping she wouldn't call again to scold me or threaten me with cleaning my hotel room.

She didn't. I was glad. I didn’t want her to worry about me for the next 48 hours. She was a busy manager and I knew that she needed a break just as much as I did. 

I sat up and thought of what to do that day. Dahyun has suggested going to watch a movie at a cinema, but there weren’t really any out at the time that caught my eye. Plus, going alone was such a depressing thought that I immediately pushed it away. 

I could go sightseeing, but being out in the open where anyone could easily recognize me wasn't all that great of an idea. I love my fans but sometimes some of them get a little handsy and I wasn't particularly in the mood to get groped by uncle fans that day.

_God damn it, Nayeon, what do normal people do?_

I didn't know the answer to that. I hardly remembered what my life was like before joining the entertainment industry. I had been so busy the past couple years making so many new memories that it felt like the former ones were blurry, slowly deleting themselves to make way for more. 

I was sure there was something to do in Seoul, the city where I was at. There was no way in hell that the capital of South Korea would allow me to have a boring day. 

I thought about trying to go see the Gyeongbokgung Palace, but that was still a public activity. It was a very cold day that day anyways, so I knew I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it as much as I wanted to. I’d have to go some other day when the weather was more pleasant with Dahyun.

I began having a mini crisis. All I ever ate, slept and breathed was work work work. I never had time to really explore any of the cities I stayed at. It was really disheartening to see how little time I had for myself and how quickly I had forgotten how to spend a day like any other person.

Since I was in Seoul, I knew that I had to change that. I had the ultra rare opportunity to explore the city for two whole days. Only a fool wouldn't take advantage of that.

After thirty minutes of heavy breathing and hair pulling, I decided to go to a club. I hadn't been to one ever since my debut, so I decided to check it out and see if the club scene was right for me. Clubs are dark and that could mask my face pretty easily, so I searched what clubs were good enough to go to and decided on going to Club Octagon. It wasn't super far away from my hotel, plus I'd wanted to go for a while. Who wouldn't want to go to one of the top clubs in the world?

I showered quickly and got dressed. I was about to do my makeup when I paused and looked into the mirror. I wondered if it would be better to just go out with my bare face. The strobe lights that appeared at nearly every club could expose me as a celebrity, as I had an easily recognizable face. If tabloids caught wind of my adventures, they could spin some stupid story about how me going out to a club meant that I was flopping, that my only escape was partying and fucking random drunk people. 

No, I didn't want that. I preferred to remain anonymous. I knew it would work, since sometimes even my own parents didn't recognize me. Yes, bare-faced Nayeon was the only option I had to be able to enjoy a schedule-free day.

I dressed in casual street wear, carefully selecting clothing that would keep me warm. I would definitely look a little out of place wearing a large sweater to a club, but I was hoping to combat the unusually cold October weather. I preferred warmth over everything.

Once I was done, I ran out the door and towards the elevator. Despite my earlier pseudo-anxiety attack, I was now kinda looking forward to enjoying my 48 hour break. Assuming that going to Octagon would get rid of the stress that had built up over the course of the years, it would be an excellent day. I wasn’t sure about what I would do once I got tired, but I decided to take everything one step at a time. No need to stress about future things that could easily be taken care of later.

I pressed the lobby button, already imagining the club’s sounds and colors. One thing I had always liked about being an idol was when I performed live concerts and the music coming from the speakers thrummed throughout my body. I longed for it. I only really ever felt alive if I felt the bass shake my insides. Clubbing would be the closest I could come to that euphoric feeling without being the one performing.

The elevator stopped and just when I was about to get in, someone roughly shoved me aside and ran in. I saved myself from falling by holding onto the doors. Disoriented, I stumbled inside and stared at the culprit.

Let me tell you, the girl was in awful shape. _Awful_ shape. Her blonde hair was disheveled, her clothing was wrinkled and it looked like she had thrown it all on in a hurry. Her face was incredibly blotchy, too, like she had spent the last 5 years of her life crying. The glasses that rested upon her nose were dirty and crooked and she had Kleenex in her hands, all balled up and probably no longer useful. 

She slammed her back against the wall and slid down, turning into a pile of sobbing clothes. I tried not to react, as I didn't want to get involved with whatever was happening. I just wanted to go clubbing and have some peace of mind. My body needed it. 

I tapped my foot impatiently, desperately hoping for the elevator to reach the lobby. It felt like an eternity passed when I checked to see how many floors were left when I saw we had only gone down 10 floors. I guess that's the problem with being in a hotel that resided in one of the tallest skyscrapers in the world, the LOTTE World Tower. 

When the doors opened up, I all but ran out of the metal box, hoping to get as far away from the crying stranger as possible.

I was almost out of the front doors of the main lobby when I felt pity grab my heart and shake it. 

_What if she needs help?_

It was certainly a dick move to find someone crying in an elevator a burden. She might be a victim of abuse needing some kind of support or she could have just lost a loved one or or OR— 

Ok, so maybe it wasn't anything that serious. Maybe the girl in the elevator was on her period and having an extra bad day. It could’ve been anything, but my conscience would probably eat at me all day if I didn't at least ask if she needed some help. If she didn’t, then I could guiltlessly go about my day as planned.

Heart tight with worry, I returned and pressed the elevator button then watched as the lights that indicated the floors lit up until they reached mine. Unsurprisingly, the crying girl was still there. She had buried her face into her arms and was quietly sobbing. I stepped in and closed the doors, as I didn't want anyone seeing us and getting curious. I wasn't sure if the girl in front of me was ok with getting attention.

“Hey, uh, are you okay?” I asked, my voice hushed, both to not startle her and because my voice didn’t want to come out any louder. I didn't know what involving myself with a regular citizen would turn into, so I was kinda scared. Was I gonna end up being a witness to some domestic abuse case? Or was the girl crying because she was back from murdering her cheating ex? I didn't know the answer to either of those questions. 

I waited a couple of seconds for a response. She didn't even react in the slightest, so I asked again, a little louder this time despite my throat being tight.

“Uh, miss? Are you okay? Do you need help?” I crouched down to her level, hoping to make her feel more comfortable with my presence. Maybe it worked because the girl slowly looked up and sniffed.

“Go away,” she muttered half heartedly. It was a weak command, but normally a response like that, however it was said, would be enough for me to give up and leave them to their own problems. But something about her held me in place like a magnet. To this day, I still don’t know what it was that made me keep trying.

“Hey, it’s okay, dude, you can talk to me.” I sat down next to her, feeling the ice cold elevator wall against my back.

The crybaby looked at me as I slid down next to her. For a while she said nothing, just watched the floor numbers light up as we went down. When we got to the lobby, she finally spoke up.

“‘Dude’? Did you really just call me a ‘dude’?” 

With a tight-lipped smile, I replied “Yeah. You know English right?”

Crybaby made a sound, something like a half laugh, half sob, and leaned back against the wall. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. 

“Yeah, I know a bit. It’s still kinda weird to call me that, though.” It seemed to cheer her up, so I was okay with being a little weird.

“My bad,” I said with a little laugh. “So, you okay? I don’t mean to pry into your personal business but earlier you shoved me out of the way and burst out crying in a public space. I can’t help but worry about you a bit.”

“I’m fine. Juuuuust fine,” she said, very unconvincingly, might I add, and shoved a Kleenex into her nose. “I’m just having a bad day is all.”

“Whelp,” I said, getting up and pressing the elevator button to the top floor to give us more time to talk, “I'm free all day today, so how about I take you out to eat somewhere where we can talk about your bad day… Or something like that. Doesn’t have to be about your day. We can just talk and keep your mind off the bad things that have been happening. It's very early in the morning, so I'm assuming you haven't eaten yet, correct?” 

Crybaby half shrugged, her cheeks already dry. “Technically I ate, but earlier I got so upset I threw it back up, so I could definitely use some breakfast.”

My eyebrows shot up to my hairline and I coughed into my fist, trying to find the right words to respond with. “Th-that’s fine..? It’s a natural reaction to being upset... I guess?”

I wasn’t really trying to be funny, I was just a little taken aback by her nonchalant statement, but she started laughing, a genuine and happy laugh that made her eyes shine in a different way than they had before.

The doors opened and showed us the top floor of the hotel. I pressed the button for the lobby and continued. “Anyways, I’ll take you out to eat if you want. I’ll make sure nothing upsets you this time.”

“Well, I can't turn down an offer for free food, so of course I’ll go.” She extended a hand. “I'm Jeongyeon, by the way. I figured we should introduce ourselves if you’re gonna take me out.”

“Ah, yeah, you’re right!” I exclaimed, and then, without thinking, I made things awkward: “Gotta know my date’s name, right?”

It didn’t process at first, what I had said, but when I saw her expression change from confused to surprised, I internally screamed at myself for flirting so shamelessly. And with a stranger. 

Before the girl, Jeongyeon, could say anything, I furiously waved my arms in front of her face. 

“Ack! Please ignore that!” I begged, still chiding myself for allowing that to slip. Dahyun had always warned me about my constant flirting. She told me it would get me into embarrassing situations one day...and look at that. She was right.

Graciously, Jeongyeon did what I asked and continued our conversation from where we left off, albeit rather awkwardly.

“Ok, ok, anyways, what’s your name? You forgot to tell me yours.”

“My name is Nayeon. Nice to meet you!” Even though she had put her hand down already, I extended my hand to shake hers. She took it with a smile.

“Ooh, Nayeon! Just like the famous solo artist,” she pointed out. “Lucky you! So, you said you wanted to take me out to grab a bite?” 

The hairs on my neck stood straight. It seemed she like wasn’t aware I was that very Nayeon she spoke of, since she immediately moved on to another topic. That was good. That meant my plan to go out without makeup was working. I was sure she would have put 2 and 2 together immediately if I’d gone all done up. 

I nodded coolly, like as if she hadn’t almost figured out my identity, and told her that she could choose the place to go eat at.

“Any place I want, huh? Hmm.”

I swallowed a lump in my throat. “Not anywhere super expensive, though, you know what I’m sayin’? I'm not all that rich, so I'd appreciate it if you kept my wallet in your thoughts.” 

Jeongyeon tapped her chin, really thinking about where she could get her free food. After a while, she finally decided. “Let’s go out for ice cream. I’ve been craving it for a while now, but with all the bullshit that’s been happening in my life, I can’t ever find the time to enjoy any.”

“Seriously?” I asked, baffled that she’d waste such a unique opportunity on that. “I’m offering to buy you pretty much any food you’d like, and you want _ice cream?_ ”

Jeongyeon shrugged. “Hey, you said anywhere I wanted! Normally I’d pick something like a fancy restaurant but you said that it can’t be super expensive. Which, now that I think about it, is kinda funny considering we’re both staying at this expensive-ass hotel. This is the _Signiel Seoul_ Hotel we’re talking about. It’s a fuckin’ four star hotel. You stay here but you’re telling me you can’t afford a nice meal? Seems kinda fishy…” She tapped her chin and narrowed her eyes in a playful manner but it still made me uneasy. 

She had a point. I wondered if it was better to make up a half-assed excuse and continue the lie in hopes that she’d drop it or just come clean and beg for forgiveness for all the deceiving I was doing. I did neither of them.

“Ice cream it is!” I shouted like an adventurer ready to start her journey, hoping that would make her stop suspecting me. I grabbed her by the arm and at that exact moment the elevator stopped at the lobby. We stepped off and I led Jeongyeon out of the _Signiel Seoul_ main entrance. The doorman greeted us and I worried that he would recognize and expose me as a celebrity. He didn’t, though. All he said was “Good morning, ladies!” 

I quickly said good morning back and raised an arm to call a driver over. Jeongyeon quickly grabbed it and gave me a pleading look. “L-let’s walk, please. I really don’t feel like going through the hassle of getting in, having to explain where to go, going through traffic… It’s better to just walk.” Before I could protest, she explained “I know a nearby place that’s pretty cheap but still makes awesome ice cream. It’s worth the walk, trust me.”

Walking to an ice cream shop wasn’t really a big deal. Since it was close by, I was sure I could brave the cold winds long enough to get there. 

I nodded and followed her along the streets, waving between the hundreds of people already going about their day so early in the morning. 

I noticed how close Jeongyeon and I were as we walked. She had linked her arm with mine and stuck her body really close, leeching off my warmth. Normally I’d be a little uncomfortable with that but it was a cold day that day. My phone had said that the temperatures would reach almost record lows like -2 degrees celsius. Everyone around us was huddled together, too, so I let it slide. 

Our so-called ‘short walk’ actually took about 1 hour and 20 minutes. Jeongyeon led me to Jamsil station where we got on the express bus to Banpo station, which in turn got us on another bus. I wanted to ask why we took buses to the ice cream place when we could have taken a cab there with a lot less effort, but at one point she reached out and held my hand, causing my mind to go blank. 

It seemed like she did it without thinking. She looked out the window and watched as we zipped past cars without a trace of pink cheeks or shame. I, on the other hand, was so shocked by her gesture that I didn’t pull my hand away nor did I talk at all, even after we passed by 5 different stops until we finally reached ours. We got off, still holding hands, and Jeongyeon led me down a street for about two minutes until we finally reached our destination.

The place was called Sweet B Ice Cream Shop. It was a pretty place that was packed with people eating cute ice cream. Someone by the entrance had an ice cream cone that was designed to look like a dog– I immediately wanted one. I pulled on Jeongyeon’s hand and discreetly pointed at the cone.

“Look! It's shaped like a puppy!” I whispered, fascinated by the simple yet ingenious idea. Jeongyeon nodded and patted my arm.

“This place makes special cones all the time! For the first Avengers movie, they served green ice cream with some pieces of chocolate bars to make the face of the Hulk. I guess this time of the year they're doing cute puppies. Let's get our own, yeah?” She pointed at the register that was hidden away and grinned at me.

If Jeongyeon said anything after that, didn't hear her. I couldn't have. Not after seeing her grin. It was beautiful, absolutely breathtaking. She had smiled before, in the elevator, but I didn't really capture how much the smile complimented her features since I was busy trying to convince her to let me take her out. 

Sure, she still looked pretty fucked up, with her red puffy eyes and whatnot, but the cute grin really made all of that not matter. She looked beautiful enough for me to feel a sensation I’ve never felt before– butterflies in my stomach.

I didn't feel it when Jeongyeon pulled on my arm. I didn't feel it when Jeongyeon poked my side, when Jeongyeon lightly slapped my face. It wasn't until she placed herself directly in front of me and held my chin that I finally woke up.

“Hey, Nayeon, what the fuck, man? You're staring at that guy over there. He looks super uncomfortable, so wake up.” I snapped out of it and blinked a couple of times trying to reorient myself. I jumped back a little when I noticed the short distance she had put between us.

When I fully came back to my senses, her words finally registered in my brain. Had I really been staring at a poor old man? I was too embarrassed to check and make sure I didn't freak him out. I ducked away and with my head bowed in shame walked towards the register. Jeongyeon looked like she wanted to ask what happened, but her stomach growled at that moment, so hunger won over curiosity and she decided on ordering instead. 

After receiving our respective ice cream cones and paying, we found an empty table near the entrance. I didn’t really want to let go of her hand, since it was warm and nice to hold, but I figured I’d weird Jeongyeon out if I asked to hold it longer. We were strangers, after all. Hesitantly, I let go and sat down.

“Uh, care to explain what happened there? You looked like a zombie, except a smiley dopey one. Your grin was borderlining creepy, honestly.” Jeongyeon licked her cone and stared at me intently, expecting me to answer.

What could I possibly say to her? _Ah, yes, I stared at your smile, Jeongyeon, I said in my head. I may have realized just how fucking pretty you are. Your grin compliments your shining eyes. Truly put the sun out of business._ No way. I'd have to lie to her again. 

“I dunno. Like, I was just thinking about stuff and then before I knew it, you were smacking my face telling me to wake up.” I shrugged, hoping she wouldn't ask too many questions. “My face still stings, by the way.”

Jeongyeon snorted. “I hardly slapped you. Just enough to help you come back to the world of the living.” She leaned back in her seat. “What were you thinking about, by the way? You were all weird and smiley, so it must have been something nice. Thinking about your boyfriend?”

I let out a loud ugly laugh. “Boyfriend! Ha! I fucking hate men! And it’s not like I’d ever be allowed to have one, anyway! Not with that damned dating ban!” It came out of me so naturally that I almost didn't notice that I had slipped up. Jeongyeon’s expression changed once I said those words and that's when I realized what I had said.

“Dating ban?” she asked. “Are you an idol? I don't recognize you…” She scrunched up her face and leaned closer to me, inspecting me and trying to find an answer. If she put my slip-up and name together, she could easily see what was really happening and who I really was. I had to act fast.

“Me? An idol?” I asked, pushing her away. I gulped and racked my brain for a really good fake reason to have said ‘dating ban’. I couldn't find anything, so I just went with the flow and lied out of my ass.

“I could never be an idol, no no. Too impulsive and annoying for that. When I said dating ban, I meant this personal one I have. I'm done with men ruining my life after I let them in. My entire heart now belongs to my career.” My heart beat at my chest, demanding me to tell the truth. I ignored it.

“Yeah, I see that. Fuck men,” Jeongyeon said, a bitter expression growing on her face. She tapped our cones together like as if to say ‘Cheers!’ 

“Yeah. Who needs them? Not me.” I internally smacked myself for constantly having to lie to the poor girl. One or two lies were kinda meh but if I kept this up, something bad would happen and the truth would be revealed in the worst possible way.

Jeongyeon and I sat in comfortable silence for a few moments. I put my elbows on the table and finished my ice cream, watching as people entered and exited the shop.

A lot of people showed up, which confused me. It was pretty early in the day, still in the coldest hours of a late October day, yet there were many many people coming in and buying ice cream. I had judged Jeongyeon for wanting to come there at such an odd hour but I guess there’s no curfew for desiring ice cream.

“So,” I grabbed a piece of cookie that was on my ice cream, “mind if I ask what happened? I don't really want to pry, but I mean– I'm sure it was something big. You said it was just a bad day, but you threw up earlier in the morning and dared cry in public. That’s not your typical ‘bad day’. I’m honestly _dying_ to know what happened.” I munched on the cookie, immediately feeling bad for asking such a personal question so early. She didn't seem all that fazed by my question, though. Jeongyeon simply looked around as if to check that no one was listening and lowered her voice, a smile playing on her lips.

“Mind if I ask why you were staring at my lips earlier? I don't really want to pry-” she said, quoting me almost word-for-word, “- but considering you stared at me in such a public place like you wanted to kiss me, well– simply said, I'm _dying_ of curiosity,” she ended with a small giggle, obviously enjoying the face I was making.

Honestly, I was horrified. I was pretty obvious about the staring, but for her to think that I was thinking about making out with her… Not that I’d hate to kiss her or anything, but to be called out like that… Jeez, she was such a tease.

I struggled at first to respond but eventually I looked at her in the eyes and feigned disinterest. Or, at least, I tried to.

“M-me? Want to kiss you? No way! I was just…” I racked my brain for something, _anything_ , to say to get myself out of such an awkward conversation, all in vain. I let too much time pass before I could come up with something, and Jeongyeon clapped loudly and laughed.

“Just admit it, Nayeon! You totally dig me!” Her smile was wide, beautiful, even more so than the one that had graced her features only minutes ago. “It's fine, it's fine, I'm not a homophobe or anything. It’s cool if you have a crush on me. _Gay,_ ” she said, making the universal OK hand sign and winking, “ _is ok!_ I don't judge.”

_Ah, so...she's not gay? That blows._

“I mean, don't project your fantasies on me, Miss Jeongyeon,” I teased back, hiding my disappointment. “Just because you totally want me doesn't mean you have to go to such lengths to hide it. Just say it outright, man, it's chill.” I leaned back into my chair, pretending to be confident. It was unusual for me to have to fake it. It always came naturally, like a second part of me. Confidence was my middle name, but around Jeongyeon, it wasn't even a half-cousin twice removed’s middle name. 

Jeongyeon didn't even bat an eye. “I see the sweat forming on your brow, Nayeon. It's chill, though. Not like flirting with me in the elevator, staring at my lips and getting flustered around me means anything, right?”

Like a kicked puppy, I focused on finishing my cone. I preferred to remain silent before I incriminated myself any further.

Jeongyeon’s smile faded away in an instant. “Hey, uh, can I tell you something?” she asked out of nowhere. “I don’t know why, but I feel like I can trust you with the following information.”

I raised an eyebrow, surprised at this sudden change in mood. Hesitantly, I nodded and scooted my chair closer to the table. 

Jeongyeon closed her eyes and spoke slowly, deliberately. You could tell that what she was about to say was something pretty big. 

“It’s about why I was crying earlier in the elevator. The truth is...” I watched as she hesitated to continue, closely watching my face to see my response to her news, “I’m bisexual. A lot of what has happened stems from that.” She paused to make sure no one was listening and continued. “It was a pretty big scandal in my neighborhood. I came out to one single person and said person outed me to everyone I knew. I was on the phone with them earlier this morning, telling them how fucked up it was for them to do that. But they don’t care. They got what they wanted, which was to ruin everything by telling everyone before I could do it myself.” She ran a hand through her hair, telling me that the simple act of talking about it was enough to make her uncomfortable.

“Jeez, I’m really sorry about that, Jeongyeon. It’s one of the worst things that can happen to a person…” 

Jeongyeon nodded. “A month ago my parents totally shunned me and kicked me out of the house. I’m currently living with my best friend Momo. She’s letting me stay until…” she sighed and looked up at the ceiling, “well, until I find somewhere else to live.”

Wow... That was a really depressing thing to hear. Being shunned by your own family after they discovered you were bisexual... I wasn’t sure what to say to that. What could I possibly say? Nothing I could say would fix the deep wound that being outed left on her heart.

“Hey,” I whispered as I got up and gently grabbed her arm. “Let’s walk around. That way you don’t have to worry about anyone listening in on our conversation. You can talk all you want with me. I’m all ears.”

Jeongyeon said nothing. She just held her hand out, waiting for me to take it. I did as she wished and held it tightly. It was only the second time we ever held hands...yet already it was starting to feel so right when we did it. Like as if my hand had been waiting so long to find another that could fit perfectly into it. 

She seemed to like it too. She looked at our intertwined hands and her previously sad expression turned into a peaceful one. Seeing that made the butterflies come back and go wild inside of my stomach. 

“Let’s go,” I said quietly, gripping that lovely hand and leading her out of the cute ice cream shop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted this to celebrate my own birthday, which was yesterday, and to prepare my heart for Twicetagram...


	2. Could This Be Love?

Jeongyeon pushed up her dirty glasses and followed me as I led her out of the shop and across the street. I noticed that the amount of people on the street had lessened to almost zero. We had spent only 30 minutes or so at Sweet B’s, but the huge crowd that had been there earlier in the morning was completely gone. I could only see one other person walking around in this section of Seoul.

It felt like something of a ghost town, an expression that I never in a million years would have thought I’d use for this city.

Peeking over at Jeongyeon, I saw that even though she had told me an incredibly tragic story only a few minutes ago, she was now smiling from ear to ear. It was a cute smile, the kind that melts your heart and refuses to leave your brain. Was such a smile present because she liked holding my hand? Nah, she was probably just content with finally getting the ice cream she had craved for so long. My hand probably meant nothing to hear.

Regardless of what was making her smile like that, I decided that smiling Jeongyeon was the best Jeongyeon. I intended to keep her like that for as long as possible. During these cold autumn days, I needed more sunshine like this.

“Don’t you think we’ll attract attention if we hold hands like this?” Jeongyeon asked, her smile not fading but her tone a little worried. “I don’t want you to get into any trouble because of me.”

“Hmm.” I pursed my lips and took a second to respond, wondering why she mentioned that all of a sudden. “Girls that are best friends usually walk around like this nowadays. It’s a thing now, where they all go shopping and go to fast food joints holding hands. In fact, they actually do it a lot in dramas. Do you watch those?”

Jeongyeon paused for a second before answering, piquing my interest a bit. “I guess. Not a whole lot of dramas, though. Enough to know that I’ve yet to see a scene where two girls hold hands like we are. You sure you’re not just trying to find an excuse for you to keep holding my hand?” She narrowed her eyes at me, a playful glint shining through her long eyelashes.

“Maybe,” I winked, nudging her a little bit. I figured if she felt good enough to joke after such a depressing conversation that took place only minutes ago, I could play along for her sake. “But I guess you don’t like holding mine, huh?”

Jeongyeon pouted. “Why do you say that? I haven’t let it go this whole time! If anything, you’d think I actually enjoy holding your hand!” She playfully shoved me.

I took the shove in stride and shrugged, taking longer steps down the sidewalk in an attempt to tease and ignore Jeongyeon. My original plan was to make her struggle to keep up with me, but I guess I underestimated just how long her legs were, as she had absolutely no trouble keeping up. 

I took a second to check her out and guess her height. She was extremely tall, maybe 7 entire centimeters taller than I was. A lot of her height was thanks to her slender legs. Those long, slender legs whose beauty wasn’t hidden by even the ugliest pair of pants. 

I guess I had stared for too long at her legs because she snapped her fingers in front of my face, effectively taking me out of my trance. At that moment I noticed I’d stopped walking. When did I do that?

“Hmm?” I pretended to not remember what she had said earlier. I continued walking as if I’d never stopped in the first place, pulling Jeongyeon along with me. “What happened?”

“I asked why you thought I didn’t want to hold your hand. I’ve been holding it for almost three hours now, Nayeon. I like holding it.” She said that with The World’s Most Adorable Frown, which, let me tell you, was so cute I didn’t notice the streetlight that was directly in my path. Jeongyeon quickly pulled me away before I could run into it, causing me to lose my balance and crash into her. She caught herself before she could lose her own balance and in turn make us both fall. 

She held me in place for a second, not moving at all, with a reassuring look that told me everything was okay.

_Thump thump_. My heart noticed how close Jeongyeon and I were before my brain did.

It wasn’t the first time we were this close in proximity but something about the way she had pouted before and the way she was looking at me at that moment, the way she wrapped her arms around me— _something_ made my heart swell up and pump harder. It felt nice, nothing like I’d felt before. With Jeongyeon, it was all firsts that day. First time feeling butterflies, first time being stunned by someone’s beauty, first time I ever felt love at fir–

“Nayeon? Earth to Nayeon! Don’t tell me you actually managed to crash into the streetlight. I swear I pulled you out of the way before you could do that.”

I shook my head and blinked several times. _Shit, I blanked out again_.

“Uh, yeah, hi, I’m back on planet earth.” I scratched the back of my head, having no idea how to explain what had just happened. She looked frustrated and impatient, so she probably wouldn’t have listened to my excuses anyway.

Jeongyeon narrowed her eyes. “What did I do this time, huh?”

“What do you mean, ‘what did you do’?” 

Jeongyeon groaned and poked my side. “You blanked out again. If I’ve learned anything from these past couple hours with you, it’s that that means I did something you thought was either hot or cute.”

Boy was I glad I remembered to put on deodorant that morning. This girl knew how to make me sweat. 

“Nothing gets by you, huh?” I laughed awkwardly, hoping that doing so would ease the awful feeling I had in my gut. 

“I’ve spent a lot of my life playing stupid,” she said, “just to mess with people and get under their skin. But it’s more fun to mess with you directly. Every little tease makes you always look like you’re having a mental breakdown on the inside.” She poked me again, on the arm this time.

“How exactly do you know what I look like when I’m having a mental breakdown?” Truth is, I only asked that to hide the fact that I kinda thought it was cool that she felt like she could be herself around me. Sure, she meant that, unlike others, it was easy to tease me, but bear with me as I tried to paint myself as special in her mind. “Nevermind, don’t answer that. You probably saw the beads of sweat forming at my hairline.” 

Jeongyeon only smiled at me in response.

“But I digress. It wasn’t exactly that you _did_ anything. I was staring...uh…” _At your legs_. 

Jeongyeon raised her eyebrows questioningly. “Staring at..?”

I wasn’t sure what to say. Maybe I could be honest and tell her that I was checking out her legs. It’s not like she didn’t already have a clue that I had a huge crush on her. I was sure she had somewhat picked up on that. She didn’t even seem to mind that, so really it should have been incentive enough to tell the truth. 

Only seconds had passed but Jeongyeon seemed to have forgotten she’d asked me a question as she interrupted my thoughts and said “I like holding your hand, though, so don’t think I asked because I was uncomfortable or anything.”

“I understand,” I said, glad the conversation had changed into something more manageable. “You’ve recently been outed and I guess your emotions are still raw, right? Everything probably feels different now, like you have to watch your actions or how you address other women. Like you’re on a tightrope, I guess. It feels like one little slip up can ruin everything, right?”

“That’s a good observation. A correct one at that. It’s hard to live life normally after all of this, so, yeah, I’m hyper-aware of all my interactions with women.” Jeongyeon kicked a rock in her path. “You never know who hates lesbians and women that love women. If I ever met a lady that did, I don’t know what I’d do. They’d most likely see me as some predatory gay, which I’m obviously not, but you know homophobes. They never see reason. It’s...scary. Like you said...it’s like walking on a tightrope.” She shivered, for once not because of the cold weather.

My heart ached for her. All I wanted was to hold her and tell her everything would be okay, just like Dahyun would do for me, but this was a situation that couldn’t be fixed with a kiss and a hug. She needed real support.

Jeongyeon sighed and looked at me with those big eyes of hers. “Let’s change the subject again. I’m getting emo and it’s too early for that.”

“Okay,” I said, trying to look away but her gaze keeping me locked in.

“So…you learned I'm gay, but maybe you are too, all things considered. You looked at me like…like in English, they say, “a damn snack’. That’s how you’ve been looking at me this whole time.”

_A DAMN SNACK_. I almost passed out right there on the sidewalk, but instead I had an internal nervous breakdown. I found it hard to find my voice, but eventually I managed to squeak out “O-oh my god?”

“If it’s too personal of a question, I understand. I was just curious.” Her concerned face nearly melted my heart. It probably would have melted if she hadn’t _just_ said that I looked at her like a snack.

“I said ‘oh my god’ because of the ‘snack’ part, Jeongyeon! What the hell? When have I ever looked at you like that?” I wanted the earth to crack open and suck me up. I was absolutely _mortified_. 

“Nayeon, gosh, it’s not like I thought it was a bad thing in the first place! It’s kinda cute! It looks like you try to pretend you aren’t totally into me, but it’s written all over your face. Something about you not being good at hiding it is, like I said, kinda cute.”

I’m...cute?

I swallowed. My heart thumped hard again, maybe for the hundredth time that day. 

“God _damn_ , did you seriously have to word it like that? That’s so embarrassing!” I smacked my head, hoping to rattle my underused brain. _What do I say? What do I say? What do I say?_

Jeongyeon let out a breathy laugh, clearly enjoying my pain. “How else do you want me to say it? It’s the only phrase that perfectly describes the way you look at me.”

“God. It’s like...like you have a humiliation kink.” I leaned in and looked at her in mock suspicion, trying to seem cool. “Do you?”

She laughed and wiggled her eyebrows, seeing right through my facade. “Maybe. Maybe not. But I do like to make you sweat. You look cute when you’re nervous.”

“Jeongyeon, that’s pretty much a humiliation kink,” I deadpanned.

She grinned. “Forgive me for the straightforwardness, but I really wanna know if you...also happen to like women.”

“Are you seriously gonna ignore my question?” 

Jeongyeon winked and said “I _might_ have a humiliation kink. Only special people can find out, though.” 

I— _oh god_.

I needed to talk about something else before I lost my mind conjuring images of Jeongyeon doing kinky things. My heart wouldn’t be able to take it.

Quickly looking around us, making sure no one was in earshot, I braced myself for what I was about to tell her. It needed to be kept a secret, for mine and Dahyun’s sake.

“Can I tell you something?” I asked, echoing Jeongyeon earlier. I watched as Jeongyeon raised her eyebrows. She must’ve remembered what she had asked before, about me being gay, so she nodded almost immediately after that, taking the change of subject in stride despite it being completely different.  
“Like, I can trust you with this, right? What I'm about to tell you is...something that must be kept a secret.” If word ever got out about me liking women, tabloids would pick up on the scent immediately and spread it like wildfire. 

Jeongyeon let go of my hand and jumped in front of me, a look of determination written all over her face. “I'll guard whatever you're about to tell me with my life.”

“Okay, w-well, I’m a lesbian.” I managed to say it without too much hesitation. An achievement for me.

“W-wow, really? You said that so easily. I thought you were going to take a while to come out to me.”

“Yeah,” I laughed, relief washing over me for finally saying it. “Same, but I guess it’s easier to just say it outright. Besides, it’s not like I didn't know you’d be okay with me being a lesbian. Coming out can be hard when you’re not sure about how people will respond, save for some of those special cases where it’s difficult no matter what.”

“For me, it’s always hard,” she half whispered. “Even if my friends are in the closet too. I guess that’s a weird thing about me.” Totally shifting gears like only Jeongyeon could, she nudged me and winked. “So was I right? Were you looking at me like a snack?”

It took me a while to realize she had changed the subject again. She did this so often, I don’t know how I wasn’t used to it already.

“I mean, I guess. You are pretty, so...maybe.” I winked at her, trying my best to go with the flow. I walked ahead, leaving her wide-eyed and half smiling. When she came back to her senses, she ran to catch up to me.

“S-so, wait, you really were? I mean, do you...find me attractive?” Jeongyeon looked like it took a lot for her to make the words come out.

“Well. Yeah.” I swallowed hard. I needed to keep up my cool disposition, but it was hard, and with Jeongyeon, basically pointless. She was gonna see through it easily. My attraction to her was hard to hide.

It seemed ridiculous, though, to find a stranger so attractive and want to get to know from the get-go, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to tell her that her smile was pretty as hell, and that it was what made me realize she was beautiful as well, but that would sound a little odd, wouldn’t it? I didn't want to freak her out.

“You really are attractive,” I began, “but you look a little... Well… Your eyes are puffy and red, then there's your hair– dear lord, Jeongyeon, I think there’s a huge knot in your hair!” I gingerly touched the knot and felt it, seeing that it was one of those tough ones that would only come out with some elbow grease.

Jeongyeon’s face flushed. It seemed to be that she hadn't noticed what bad shape she was in. She cleared her throat and awkwardly scratched her head. “I ran out of the room in a hurry. I wanted to get out quick, so it’s not like it’s really my fault, is it now?” 

I felt bad for drawing attention to her looks, but just as I was about to apologize, Jeongyeon said “I should get fixed up. Wouldn't want to look nasty for my date, now would I?” She elbowed me after saying that. _Remember when you said that_? she seemed to ask. 

“Let's go back to the hotel and get you fixed up,” I said, ignoring her attempts to embarrass me, “I’d like to know what you look like when you brush your hair and wash your face.” I had a pretty good idea of what she would look like though. If she was pretty with puffy eyes and messy hair, she'd look like a goddess when she actually tried. “Is that okay with you?”

“Okay! That’s perfectly fine! Try not to fall for me, though,” she said, probably jokingly, but the only thing I could think was _Too late. Way too late_.  
— —  
On the bus ride back, my hand subconsciously found hers. I really didn’t even notice until she let go to scratch her nose. My hand suddenly felt cold and clammy, like it was missing something. It startled me, honestly, the sudden chilly air that hit my hand. I watched as she grasped my hand again and leaned back into the bus seat to nap like it was nothing. Like we had known each other for a long time and we were just old friends holding hands. Like as if we were lovers. But we weren’t friends. We weren’t lovers.

We were strangers.

While she wasn’t looking, I looked at our intertwined fingers. 

Was it normal to feel this type of closeness with someone you’d just met hours ago? It probably wasn’t, but goddamn, it felt so right. 

I’d read many love stories when I was younger, ones where the characters expressed their belief that someone seemed to be perfectly shaped for them, whether it was the way the partner fit into their embrace or the way someone’s hand fit perfectly into their own. I was a typical cynical teenager, finding such things stupid and cheesy. I thought that people that believed in soulmates were delusional. I thought that way throughout my adult years as well. But now… with Jeongyeon… It felt exactly the same way as the stories had described. I was so comfortable holding Jeongyeon’s hand, practically basking in the warmth I felt thanks to it. It made me forget it was a freezing cold day. 

I didn’t want to say it out loud, in fear that somehow a younger Nayeon would hear me and scold me for being foolish, but in my heart, I couldn’t help but think that it felt like that hand of hers was made for me. 

_Stop, Nayeon_ , I told myself as the bus finally reached its destination. _You’re being stupid. You two don’t know anything at all about each other. You don’t even know each other’s favorite color!_

I chided myself for letting my thoughts run that wild. Of course her hand wasn’t meant for mine. It just was not possible. _You just crave closeness because you haven’t been in a relationship in years_.

My head believed that, but my _heart_ …

“Yo, wake up! Did you leave me again, Nayeon? We’re here.”

I shook my head and found myself in the hallway of a hotel. No, not just any hotel. Our hotel. The hotel we were staying at. The _Signiel Seoul_. Jeez, had I really been that out of it? So out of it that I didn’t even notice myself walk inside and ride the elevator up? 

Jeongyeon gave me a worried look. She lifted my chin, making my heart beat faster for a second. She forced me to look into her eyes. Oh my GOD her eyes. A beautiful shade of brown. The most gorgeous shade, truly. I could get lost in those eyes and—

_GET A GRIP, NAYEON!_

“Your eyes keep getting glassy, like you’re tired or something. Are you okay? Was the bus trip too long? Are you sleepy?” She bombarded me with questions all of a sudden, causing my distracted brain to want to malfunction. I tried to reply, but I looked into her eyes again by accident and almost lost it. If she hadn’t grabbed my shoulders and shaken me, I would have been a goner.

“Hey! Dude! What’s up with the human buffering?” She snapped in front of my face, hoping for a response, which she got.

“God, your eyes are so gorgeous,” I said under my breath.

“Eh?” She crinkled her nose and looked away awkwardly, which was understandable. I, too, would cringe at such randomly cheesy words.

“I knew you were totally in love with me but I never thought you’d confess like that. I think you might have a fever.” She felt my forehead and made a _tsk_ sound. “You seem fine. Weirdo.” She added that _weirdo_ like as if it was an afterthought, which I found kinda cute. Was she a tsundere? Was she pretending to not like the compliment? If so, then I truly had found my type. 

“Hopefully my roommate Momo isn’t sleeping. I’d hate to wake her up just because I was getting a makeover.”

“I’ll be super quiet if she is,” I somehow managed to say without embarrassing myself again.

Jeongyeon inserted her key and smiled as she opened the door. “Welcome to my humble abode.”

I rolled my eyes and stepped in, noticing how dark the room was. There was a slight rustling sound coming from the back of the room, so I looked to Jeongyeon. _What’s that?_ I asked with my eyes.

Her expression was blank. She carefully reached over and flipped the light switch. 

We gasped in unison.

I got to behold the sight of one naked girl between the legs of another naked girl. I stared, completely caught by surprise. I didn’t know what to do, but that didn’t matter, because I’m sure my body wouldn’t have moved even if I wanted it to.

Jeongyeon’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets. She immediately attempted to cover my eyes, but stumbled and tripped on the clothes that were strewn all over the floor. She fell hard and stayed splayed out like that, probably preferring to be on facedown on the floor than seeing her roommate eating a girl out.

The girl that was between the other’s legs pulled away and sleepily smiled down at Jeongyeon. She wiped her mouth and gently threw bedsheets on the other girl before covering herself. “Sorry. You only show that to _me_ , Sana,” she said, making the girl, Sana, giggle and fix the sheets that were thrown on her.

Jeongyeon finally got up and looked at the wall instead of the two girls as she spoke. “Momo, for god’s SAKE, couldn’t you have texted me to tell me that you’d have a... guest over?”

Momo grinned and climbed over Sana to lay next to her, spooning and putting her arms around her. Momo looked innocently over at us. “It was a little unexpected,” she pouted. “Besides, you were upset when you left and you usually take hours to come back after that. I didn’t think today would be any different, so I invited my girlfriend over.”

Jeongyeon was left speechless. She blankly stared at Momo, probably to gather her thoughts, before grabbing my arm and backing away towards the door. “We’re leaving now, Momo. Sorry to interrupt your, uh... meal.”

Without a second of hesitation, Momo replied: “It was delicious, so yeah, I’d like to get back to it. Don’t want it to get cold.”

Sana smirked at her girlfriend. “It’s a dinner for two so if it gets cold, it’s finally going to be my tu—“

“OKAY! We. Are. Out of here! Nayeon, let’s go!” Jeongyeon interrupted Sana and grabbed at my hand instead of my arm now, causing my heart to beat faster than the sight of two hot naked girls. “Text me when dinner is over!”

She slammed the door shut behind us and spent the next minute leaning against a wall, facing away from me and rubbing her temples. She muttered a string of curse words with _fucking Momo_ and _can’t believe I fucking said that_ thrown in there.

I cleared my throat. “Jeong, it’s okay, let’s go to my room. I have makeup there. They’ll be different than what you’re used to but I’ll make it work. Let’s go.” 

She sulked by the door for a couple more seconds before nodding wordlessly, probably thankful to leave that awkward vibe behind. I led her to the elevator and found that Jeongyeon and her roommate were staying on the floor that was under mine. The elevator ride was short and the walk to my room was even shorter. 

I unlocked my door, stepped aside to let Jeongyeon in, and prayed that nothing I had out would reveal my celebrity status. My heartbeat quickened, for once not because of Jeongyeon’s features, but in fear. It looked like my fears were for naught, as everything in my room was suspiciously tidy. I guessed Dahyun had snuck in and cleaned up for me. She did it often, and I usually found it annoying, but it looked like I owed Dahyun a big one this time.

Before entering, Jeongyeon gave me an apologetic look. “Sorry we had to see that. I didn’t even know Momo had a girlfriend, so it took me by surprise when I saw the other girl naked.” Pause. “When I saw _both_ of them naked,” she amended.

I laughed both at her attempt to lighten the mood and to release the tension I felt inside my stomach. “Dude, chill. It really wasn’t that awkward, I promise. With the life I lead, it’s almost normal to find myself in situations like that. You wouldn’t believe how many times I found random girls strewn about in my best friend Jihyo’s room.”

Jeongyeon sat on my bed and frowned. “Jihyo? Like the hella famous singer?”

I bit my tongue, hating myself for slipping up yet again. I kept my cool as I made up a quick lie. “I _wish_ my best friend was _the_ Jihyo, but nah, the one I’m talking about is your typical over-achieving sex maniac. That likes to have threesomes, apparently.” Technically, not a lie. Any of it.

“Oh, well, I hope your friend is having the best time ever with those threesomes. I heard they’re fun if you’re with the right people.”

“Yeah, that’s what she tells me. A-anyway, don’t even sweat it. For me, the most awkward part was you calling oral sex a ‘meal’ out of the blue,” I said, taking out some makeup from my suitcase. “You made everything worse with that.”

Jeongyeon blushed. “I was flustered! You try and talk normally as you’re watching your butt naked roommate spoon another girl!”

I shook my head. “So the spooning part was worse for you? You’d think it’d be the part where we watched her eat her girlfriend out for a couple seconds.”

Jeongyeon wildly shook her head, probably hoping to avoid getting that image stuck in her head. 

“Okay, okay, whatever. Back to the reason we’re here…” I raised the makeup brushes and shook them, pulling a Jeongyeon and changing the subject fast enough to give you whiplash. “Let me get you fixed up a bit.”

“Ah yes. I almost completely forgot.” Jeongyeon looked glad to cut that conversation short and sat on the edge of the bed, taking off her glasses. “Work your magic on me, Nayeon. But I can’t promise you that I’ll look any better. Don’t be disappointed if I’m still ugly.”

“ _Still ugly?_ Jeongyeon, you are not ugly,” I scoffed, a bit upset that she didn’t know how hot she was even when she looked like a mess. “I told you this. You’re super pretty, Jeongyeon! The only reason I want to fix you up is to see how you look without the eye bags and wild hair. I’m going to do some natural makeup. Nothing more.”

Jeongyeon bit her lip. “I see... By the way, I’m sorry that you have to use your makeup on a total stranger. It’s gotta be pretty gross and weird.”

“It would only be gross if you had bad hygiene. You shower and brush your teeth, right?” I set down the eyebrow pencil and turned to her. 

“I mean, yeah… usually I shower at least every other day, but yesterday I couldn’t shower, nor could I this morning. So my body odor might be a _little_ questionable.” She looked embarrassed after admitting it, but I appreciated her honesty. It was a lil unnerving to hear, but I had to take into account that something really bad had recently happened to her. She didn’t have time to take care of herself. It happens.

“It’s fine. If you want, you can shower here. I don’t have a problem with that if you don’t.”

“Really?” Jeongyeon asked, relief written all over her face. “It would be nice to shower. I usually do my makeup after washing up, anyway, so I really appreciate the fact that you’d let me pop in real quick.”

“No problem. Patience is my middle name! I can wait!”

And I did. Jeongyeon entered the bathroom and began to shower quickly. I was busy getting all of the makeup I’d need and setting it on the bedside table when a thought struck me; she didn’t have any clothes to change into. Horrified, I stared at the bathroom door, wondering what I could possibly do. I didn’t want Jeongyeon to be naked longer than she needed to be.

Panic kept me from thinking straight. It’s like everything went blank right when I needed my brain the most, and that was _beyond_ frustrating.

When I heard the water shut off, I finally developed a brain and got to my feet. I searched around my room, not sure what to get her.

I heard a small gasp come from the other side of the door. Slowly, it opened, and Jeongyeon popped her head out, a look of utter terror on her face. “Nayeon, I…”

“...don’t have clothes,” I finished for her, mirroring the expression on her face. She nodded and gulped, her face flushing a deep red color. “Do you want me to go to your roommate and get you spare clothes? I didn’t think before letting you in the shower, s-so the least I could do is fetch you something.”

“Actually, I really don’t wanna disturb Momo and...Sana.” The look on her face told me that it wasn’t so much that she didn’t want to bother them as it was just that she was too embarrassed to face them again. “Can I just borrow some underwear or something?”

I furrowed my brows. “Uh, they’re all used, and I’m- I’m not sharing underwear with you. Sorry.” She was really crazy if she thought I’d share my panties with her. I would tolerate most anything for a cute girl, but I crossed the line at underwear-sharing. “J-just… I dunno, go commando or something! I heard it’s as trend right now.”

Jeongyeon grimaced. “Ew, what? No way. That sounds awful. Give me a new pair or something! You got any?”

I did. I had just gone shopping the previous day and bought myself cute underwear as a treat for myself. I had been a little down lately, so I knew that lace panties would at least make me look cute. I pouted, not wanting to share my cute findings. But then… then I thought about them on Jeongyeon. I was sure she’d fit nicely into those panties, especially the black ones...

“Uh, hey! Naked person here! Do you have any new pairs? I’ll pay you back for the inconvenience or whatever.”

I snapped out of it and made a beeline for my suitcase. I pulled out the underwear and noticed it still had the price tag on it, so I quickly pulled it off so she wouldn’t see I spent almost $30 on a single pair. 

Wordlessly, I handed it to her, trying to hide my face as I imagined the pair on her. I sat down and crossed my legs as tightly as I could.

“So...you’re just gonna leave me with panties only?” Jeongyeon asked, unamused at my mistake.

“Shit, my bad.” I ran back to my suitcase and got a shirt that matched a pair of sweatpants. I handed them over and heard the door slam closed. In a matter of seconds, Jeongyeon was out and checking herself out in the mirror. I watched her, trying to hide my disappointment at not getting to see how the panties looked on her. I hadn’t purposely forgotten to get her the other clothes but now that I knew what I had missed out on...

“I didn’t take you for the kind of girl that likes pink,” Jeongyeon said, looking at me through the mirror. She was talking about my matching shirt and sweatpants. “It’s cute, though. I like both of these shades of pink.”

“Jeez,” I whispered, hiding my face behind my hands. “You’re embarrassing me…” I decided to change the subject before she could humiliate me any further. “So, uh, when do you think you’ll be able to go back to your room? Not that I don’t want you here, but, you know, I’m just wondering.”

Jeongyeon was still in front of the mirror, posing like she was at a fashion show. “To be completely honest, I’m not sure when Momo’s girlfriend will leave. All I know is that there’s no way she’d stay all day, so maybe in a couple of hours she’ll be gone and I’ll be out of your hair.”

“You’re not a bother, Jeongyeon. I was simply asking.”

She turned back and smiled at me, as if to say _I know, I was just teasing_. Did she know just how beautiful she looked when she did that?

I patted the spot next to me on the bed and Jeongyeon sat. She placed her hand over mine and held it tightly, the same way she had before on the bus. It was silent for a couple minutes, the exact opposite of just a few moments ago. Now it was just Jeongyeon and I staring at our intertwined hands. Maybe she was still thinking back on what happened in her own hotel room, but I secretly hoped she was thinking the same thing I was. I wanted to know if she felt the same way I felt or if I was just being a fool.

_What am I feeling, exactly?_ That question burned inside my mind. I definitely felt something, but I wasn’t sure what to call it. Was it...love? I didn’t know. I’d almost called it that a couple of times that day, but I wasn’t even sure if that was the correct term.

I’d never really felt love before. Sure, I’d dated people before, but I never really loved them, I just liked them enough to see if we could work out somehow. We never did.

What I felt when I held Jeongyeon’s hand, when I looked into her eyes, when she made me laugh… I was scared to call it love. We’d just met, we didn’t even know each other’s last names, but I felt such a weird and intense attraction to her.

I also felt a mixture of anxiety, worry, desire and happiness. It was all very confusing because _how can my body feel all of that simultaneously?_ So many emotions and sensations bubbling inside me, giving me an entirely new feeling that I wasn’t sure was supposed to be possible.

I felt anxiety and worry because I wasn’t sure if she felt the same. Was this a one sided thing? I was inexperienced, really, with this whole love thing, so maybe it’s how it always feels when you’re simply infatuated with someone. It sucked, yet _goddamn, did it feel nice_. That’s where the happiness and desire came in. I felt an intense joy when I was with her. The kind I only ever felt around Dahyun and Jihyo, my two best friends, except with Jeongyeon there was also a slight dash of desire thrown into the mix.

“Does it make you uncomfortable?”

I had been in my own little world. I crash landed back onto Earth and found the perfect word to reply with. “Eungh?” See? _Genius_.

Jeongyeon didn’t seem to notice my stupid reply. “Does it make you uncomfortable? When we hold hands, I mean,” she reiterated.

“No! I thought we made it pretty clear that we are both more than okay with this.”

“Ah, okay.” She rubbed her thumb on mine, causing a new sensation in my body. “Just making sure. I’ve been thinking and- and I know we just met and everything, so I thought maybe you thought it was super awkward to be holding hands like this and you were just pretending to like it to spare my feelings.”

“I like it. I love it, actually.” I turned to face her, my heart beating like a bass drum. Somehow, I found the courage to say what I’d wanted to. Or at least– some of it. “Your hand is really comforting. I was thinking about how, even though we don’t know each other, your hand feels comfortable, and, dare I say it– familiar, but in an odd way.”

“I was thinking something along those lines,” she said as she looked straight into my eyes. “On the way back to the hotel, on the bus, I got to thinki–“

A loud chirping startled both of us, causing me to jump off the bed and assume a protective stance. Jeongyeon pulled a phone out of her dirty laundry and smiled at me apologetically. She answered her phone and spoke in a hushed tone during the entire conversation.

I took the time to meditate on what was happening. _Got to thinking, she had said_. Was she going to say that she wanted to get to know me better and vice versa? Did that mean that she felt the same as I did? Or was I thinking too much into it?

“–that’s fine. Just... text me next time, please. Warn me when you do that. Okay, yeah, I’ll be there in a bit. Make sure to actually be dressed by the time I get there, because I don’t want to see you butt naked. Never again.”

A loud laugh could be heard coming from the other side and an annoyed Jeongyeon pressed the hang up button quickly.

“That was Momo. She told me dinner is over and that they’re both getting decent as we speak.” She ran a hand through her hair, a habit she seemed to have when she was stressed. But about what?

“But anyways, I was, uh, gonna say that…” She stopped and shook her head. Placing two fingers on the bridge of her nose, she said “Never mind. It was dumb.”

My heart broke a little at those words. She was going to say that she wanted to hang out, I could feel it, and to hear that she thought that was stupid hurt me. It was not stupid. I wanted to get to know her too!

I didn’t tell her any of that, though. A big mistake.

“I’m gonna go now, Nayeon. I’m sorry for disturbing you and making you give me your clothes. Like I said, I’ll give them to you in a bit. I’ll be right back.”

“W-wait, what about the makeup?” It felt like I looked desperate for her to stay. My hand was outstretched toward her, like she was within my grasp and I could stop her from leaving me. She was not. She was almost at the door and ready to step out. “Didn’t you want me to do your makeup?”

Jeongyeon bit her lip. In any other situation, I would have thought it was hot. Right then, all I thought was that it showed hesitation.

“I said I’ll be back, Nayeon. Don’t worry. I won’t be long.”

She left without another word and without looking back.

I closed the door, a small frown forming on my face. I wanted to know what she was going to say, but part of me was scared of it too. What if it wasn’t what I wanted? What if she didn’t feel the same and just wanted to be friends? I was quickly falling in love with her. I was falling deeply, deeply in love with her.


End file.
